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Monday 19 October 2015

I'm just sad.

I was feeling a bit weary last night.
Because I saw another post that breaks my heart.

You know, I thought I'm only weak when it comes to family matters.
Nope, I was wrong.
I'm also such a weak ass when it comes to friendship thingy.

Best friends things. (Well I'm not sure if its "best friends" anymore tbh)

I've been pretending all this while like I don't care at all.
I don't care if she refuse to apologize.
I don't care if she refuse to text me.
I don't care if she refuse to talk to me.
I don't care if they went out together without telling me.
I. Seriously. Don't. Care.

That's what I've been pretending for all this while.
And last night, I realize that I lied to no one but my own self.
I said I don't care anymore,
but it still fking hurts everytime I saw some pictures of them going out together without me knowing.

You know, it all started a long time ago.
I thought everything can be resolved eventually
But nope, I was wrong.

I don't care if someone says I'm the one who is too sensitive but IMAGINE YOU'RE IN A ONE-TWO-THREE-TRIANGLE-KIND-OF-FRIENDSHIP THEN DON'T YOU THINK THAT A AND B SHOULDN'T PLAN SOMETHING BEHIND C AND PROUDLY POSTED THEM HANGING OUT ETC ON SOCIAL NETWORKS WITHOUT THINKING WHAT C MAY FEELS???

I don't care if you guys already know/assume that I can't join the hang out that's why you didn't ask but hey, i don't think by telling me that you guys have plans, it is too much to ask for. Is it too much to ask for?

Yeah. I know right.

It'll be different if we got more than 3 friends in a group.

So. I left the group few months ago because i feel like I AM NOT NEEDED ANYMORE by any of them. And guess what, no one cares and no one asked why.

So read here little fella, I saw everything that you tweeted the other day on your another twitter account. Yeap, I saw everything. But I also know that IF YOU REALLY MISS ME AND THE WAY WE USED TO BE, TEXT ME SOMETHING AND DON'T JUST WAIT because i am not the one who ignores you guys right now. You guys were the one who did that to me.

And the worst feeling is that,
I can't help but keep asking myself IF I HAVE EVER, EVER BE A GOOD FRIEND TO ANYONE because i don't understand why some people like you guys keep pushing me away when all I ever wanted was to have a true and loyal friendship!

Pathetic. I know right.

I know I have such a pathetic life.
Thank you.