Truth Hurts

Salam. Hai. Dah lama tak update blog. Aku tak sure korang nampak ke tak gambar2 yang ada di blog ni dulu tapi aku tak nampak. Aku hanya nampak tanda seru besar2 kat tempat yg sepatutnya ada gambar.

Entahlah kenapa jadi macam tu. Nanti je ubah. Kahkah

OK WARNING! This post might be full of negativity but there wasn't any place that I could throw out my true feelings other than here. There are close people but I cannot speak out wholly because they always interrupt/giving me advice when all I need is for them to listen. Only.

These days had been really hard for me. I got happy in a day, and sadness in the next five days. That pretty much sums up how my life had been since forever. That's why sometimes I'm afraid to be happy. There's always a price for that.

I told my diamonds about what I have gone through, what happen and what not. For some, they might have known what this post is about. And they have given various responses which some of them are exactly what I was thinking and some of them are not.

What Eli said was a whole truth.

She didn't leave us because she wanted to go back to her place. That wasn't her main intention. That was only excuses.

Truth is, she gets tired of us. She has no more priorities on this family. She wanted to live on her own, without having to take care of us or give us any more money. Because she feels like "Nak buat apa stay kat situ, dah tak ada kena mengena. Buat apa aku nak kena bagi duit kat dorang pulak. Dorang bukan anak aku. Mak sendiri ada"

That's why she went straight to my mother.

I know I sound so fast jumping into conclusions but for those who had never experience having a stepmother, you won't understand. I already had two stepmothers and both of them sucks after my father left. The first one was so nice in the beginning but after divorcement she openly showed her true self. And the same situation is coming again.

Logically, if she really wants to go back to her place, it would take around 5-6 months to save money. Because she had just renewed her passport last two weeks. I was the one who accompanied her to Chow Kit. Renewing passport is not that cheap. Takkanlah around 5-6 months tu kau tak boleh nak duduk sini dulu? Sangat tidak logik.

Apa agaknya perasaan abah kalau tau kau dah taknak jaga kitorang? Memang kitorang dah besar tapi apa yang kau janji dengan abah aku? Ingat tak janji kau waktu abah sakit dulu?

Aku dah lama simpan tau. Bila kau selalu sebut pasal taknak duduk ngan kitorang dah, aku diam je. Sebab aku ingatkan main2. Adik kata kau dah banyak kali sebut taknak duduk dengan kitorang kalau aku dan ejad dah kahwin. Kau suruh pulak adik duduk dengan makngah.

Aku tak kisah la kau nak pergi ke apa, aku cuma kesian kat adik aku sebab dia masih tak boleh fikir yang kau sebenarnya selfish. Walaupun aku cerita kat dia yang kawan2 aku pun cakap benda sama pasal kau, dia masih nak percayakan kau.

Yes I might sound very harsh and negative but I don't easily trust people dengan alasan bodoh camtu. No. Kalau betul nak balik, nak kumpul duit, benda tu akan amik masa lama. Dan kau boleh je balik sini at least seminggu sekali. Tak luak pun duit kau lah kalau takat tidur satu malam je kat sini dalam seminggu.

Barang rumah pun aku jugak yang beli 2-3 bulan ni. Sebab kau jarang balik. Tanya aku ada duit ke takda ke mana pernah. Gas pun aku beli. Sorry la ungkit tapi melampau la? Aku bayar semua sebelum ni kau boleh je nak balik. Tapi sekarang? Siap pesan kat adik jangan gaduh2 la apa la. Seolah2 memang dah menyampah nak balik.

Kalau dah tak sayang, dah taknak jaga, dah benci, dah taknak tunaikan wasiat abah, cakap terus terang. Tak payah nak pakai orang ketiga. Kalau taknak jumpa face to face pun, whatsapp ada. Call boleh.

Kecewa. Kecewa teruk.

Orang yang aku harapkan, yang abah harapkan, rupanya tak tahan lama pun. Walaupun aku ni dah besar, dah boleh hidup sendiri tapi aku pun ada perasaan jugak. Aku bukannya patung. Orang datang dan pergi macam tu je dalam hidup aku, mestilah aku sedih. Kecewa. Manusia mana je yang boleh terima sekelip mata?

Ye, memang aku kata macam ni lagi senang. Hidup 3 orang je. Tak payah ada orang luar. Tapi aku dah hidup dengan dia dah lama. Dah 5 tahun. Gila apa boleh lupa macam tu je? Gila ke tak sedih?

Paling kesian kat adik aku yang perempuan tu. Dari kecik dah tak dapat kasih sayang seorang ibu. Bertukar2 je. Time dah serasi betul dengan mak tiri, dia pulak nak blah camtu je.

Rasa nak menjerit sekuat hati. Tapi hati pun dah penat. Tak larat nak jerit2 bagai. Mampu nangis je sampai air mata kering sendiri. Sampai tertidur sendiri. Tu je.

Kadang2 rasa putus asa nak hidup. Tapi bila teringat orang sekeliling yang masih sayang aku, aku cuba jugak kuatkan diri. Paling penting sekali sebab aku ingat janji aku pada abah waktu abah koma. Aku ingat apa yang aku bisik kat telinga arwah. Dan aku akan tunaikan. Aku taknak jadi orang munafik yang suka mungkir janji. Kalau aku pun abaikan janji aku, aku sama je ngan dia.

Dan untuk orang yang tanya aku ok ke tak sebenarnya, aku tak ok. Buat masa sekarang susah nak ok.

Sekian.

Childhood memories

I was so active back then, as a kid. A little bit rough, maybe. Because I have more boy friends than girl friends honestly. I can ride on bikes and have some kind of races with them. I play football. I can cook with the sand as the rice, the leaves as the vegetables and the flowers as the side dishes.  I can play hide and seek at those places people never even thought I would go.

I have never afraid of anything back then. Except for if I did something really wrong and my mom will get angry of it -- oh that reminds me of something:

I have once ran away from my school because I really hate going to school when I was in standard one. My first day was a disaster, I cried a lot. Because I don't know anybody. They were just some scary strangers to me. My friends were not in the same class as me. Some of them were older than me. Well, they were friends from my residential area. And some of them actually didn't like to go to school either. My mom didn't send me to school everyday, I ride a van. So after the van sent me, I decided to run away from school with my friends.

We hang out at a stall near the school. Just having some snacks that made us happy back then. We walked through the residential area near school, found a playground and spend the time there. Once the school hours almost ended, we went back. And for the first time that I ran away from school (and surely the last), I get caught, unfortunately. Haha

The security guard actually saw us coming back in front of the school where the vans and buses usually wait for students there. We went back earlier than we should so the guard got suspicious since we wore school uniforms and waited outside of the school when the school hours have not finished, yet. So obviously we have skipped school. He brought us to our class respectively and I was pretty ashamed because I was the only one who didn't come to school on that day.

The teacher called my mom and explained everything and yeap, my mom got really mad at me. I was grounded from seeing my friends for a few days. My dad was far away from us because we were in Perak, he had job in Selangor. So when my mom told him about me, he wanted to talk to me on the phone but I avoided him. Haha.

But how long can you avoid him, honey? Haha sooner or later I will have to talk to him anyway. Well when he got back home that month, I stay silent most of the time. I know he was mad but he didn't show it. Starting from that incident, I made a promise to myself that I won't skipped school no more.

(But getting into universities, I still skipped classes anyway xD the difference is that my parents didn't know haha)

Don't tell them :p

But there was one thing that scared me to death, the story that my mom told about having kutu on my head. You know, girls have higher possibilities to have kutu on their head especially for an active girl like me who wasn't taught to wear tudung since I was small. We have long hair and it's pretty hard to take care of. Playing with my girl friends opened up possibilities for me having that thing on my head. I hate it very much when my mom asked me to sit on her lap while she crashes those tiny creatures on my head. I felt uneasy. And it annoyed me a lot.

So I would avoid it everytime my mom asked me to sit on her lap. But there is this story that she told me that scares me a lot and makes me lose my sleep. She said,

"Kalau tak buang nanti dia beranak banyak2 lepastu semua berkumpul atas kepala lepastu ramai2 nanti terbang bawak kakak terbang sekali haaa"

............

That was scary. I was a kid and I imagined it very well that they (those tiny creatures) can somehow cooperate all together and flies me somewhere I don't know.

How could my mom lied to me :( Hahah when I have grown up then only I know that story was a total lie. LOL what a noobies

Anyway, there were a lot of memories that I have made during my childhood, some of them were sealed properly in my parts of the brain, perhaps the bad one, and some of them I can still remember clearly, perhaps they were a good one :)

Surely there is more that I would like to tell but then you will stuck reading here until you have kids. Lol

Wish I could go back to being a kid. But then as a kid, I would like to grow older.

Life is so confusing.

New Hope

Hello 2016, welcoming a new year, hoping for the best yet to come this year!

Been facing a lot of life challenges these past few weeks but alhamdulillah, I am still surviving till now. Well, yeah, talking bout life challenges, this wasn't my first time, indeed I think it is my 1000th time lol God loves me very much, that's all I can think about in staying strong ^^

Anyway, I'm starting this new year with positive vibes (I hope) bcs I'm trying to be calmer than before, with less useless sensitive feelings, trying my best not to overthink everything and staying stronger than ever, yeap, I am trying my best :)

Since tahun lepas takde azam, tahun ni ade azam ciked. My azams include:
- Taknak mengeluh/Kurangkan mengeluh dengan nikmat yang Allah dah bagi
- Taknak tinggal solat especially Subuh!!! Ya Allah please help me
- Taknak cepat melatah, nak hati ni lebih tenang, banyakkan beristighfar ye Azani
- Nak lepaskan Hafizul pergi keje kat Jepun dengan tenang (Kalau tu keputusan dia)
- Nak buat master leklok, nak produce at least 2 papers, kalau dapat one paper dalam masa setahun, boleh convert ke phd, please pray for me!
- Nak kurangkan mencarut especially kalau memandu kat jalan raya :(

Dan yang paling penting, nak serahkan sebelah buah pinggang kepada abah supaya abah boleh hidup macam orang biasa sehingga hari-hari tuanya. Ya Allah pinjamkanlah abah kepada kami lebih lama dan Kau panjangkanlah umurnya. Amin.

Tadi makngah dengan pakngah datang, diorang suggest buat transplant surgery instead of those long term dialysis process sebab akan makan banyak duit and can lead to other viruses as well kalau tak jaga hygiene. They said instead of bazirkan masa and amik risiko yang banyak by doing dialysis, try to ask the doctor if we can do transplant surgery. Just one go, and tak perlu ambil banyak risiko.

I have suggested it to my dad since the first time I suspect him to have the kidney failure but my dearest people here, which dad would accept his daughter's kidney for himself? Nope, there's no dad in the world is willing to do that.

But alhamdulillah, the presence of makngah and pakngah today I believe has helped a little bit in convincing my dad to do the transplant surgery. Because he is not that old, he is still young, he needs to live longer for his children, for me, at least. I need him, I still need him and I will always need him. My forever hero.

I hope Allah will ease everything for us. Amin.

So let's hope for better things to come this year and afterwards. InsyaAllah, when there's a will, there's always a way :)

Till then.

13/12/12

Remember the date?

That day was your first time confessing that you love me
And that was my first time replying yours, too

Today is 13/12/15
It's been three years since then

And I love you still.
I always will.

:)

Azani dah grad :D

Assalamualaikum and Hi!

Baru ada masa nak update bloggg (tak, actually banyak je masa tapi malas :p)

But this time rasanya kena update sebab last two weeks there's a very important event telah berlaku in my life. Ha? Apa? Kahwin? Noooo, it's my graduation day! (Walaupun sebenarnya aku tau korang takkan terfikir nak tanya perkataan kahwin tu pun sebab jelas2 tertulis kat tajuk tu aku dah grad hahahaha)

So, alhamdulillah, bersyukur saya ke hadrat Ilahi kerana dengan limpah kurnianya saya telah berjaya menamatkan pengajian dalam bidang sains Kimia! Alhamdulillah!

After 3 years of struggling and hardwork (lah sangat) akhirnya berjaya jugak aku naik pentas tak sampai 5 saat untuk menerima sekeping Ijazah Sarjanamuda Sains dengan Kepujian (Kimia).

Jujurnya waktu form 5 dulu aku mana ada target langsung nak amik kimia. Trust me! Takde perkataan kimia langsung dalam target.

Bukti! Hahahaha

Paling bongok sebab ingat senang sangat nak bukak syarikat sendiri bila dah jadi penulis novel? Hahahaha!

Entah macam mana lah aku boleh tersangkut dengan kimia ni. Rasanya sejak kat matrik dulu kot. Tapi waktu kat matrik tu semua subjek aku okay je (dalam course aku lah, which means Physics memang dah out kahkah). So there are Mathematics, Chemistry, Biology & Computer Science.

Comp. Sc tu aku tak minat sangat sebab ada programming bagai, ai kenot brain dear hahaha so, tinggal la Bio, Math dengan Chem. And waktu tu aku fikir kalau amik Bio ni jenuh nak hafal macam2 lepas ni, dah lah cuti lama gila lepas matrik, confirm otak berkarat. Hahaha math pulak, boleh je nak amik sebab aku memang suka math, suka gila gila. Tapi aku risau sebab takut peluang keje sikit. Then, chemistry pulakk, aku suka jugakkkk cuma aku tak suka nak buat lab report bagai. Tapi antara Chem dengan Math, Chem lagi banyak peluang kerja kot?

So, in the end, aku pilih jugak lah Kimia ni sebagai pilihan pertama. Dan yang kedua pulak, maths.

Klik untuk tumbesaran

Alhamdulillah, rezeki aku yang telah tertulis di Luh Mahfuz adalah aku dapat pilihan pertama tu. Abah la orang paling happy sebab UKM dekat je sekangkang dari rumah, mana dia tak happy. Takde la jauh sangat dia berpisah dengan anak sulung dia ni.

Dan setelah tiga tahun yang penuh suka dan duka, akhirnya aku tamat jugak pengajian di UKM. Perasaan?

- sedih sebab terpaksa berpisah dengan kawan kawan
- gembira sebab dah terlepas dari azab assignments dan exams
- confuse sebab taktau lepas grad nak buat apa

But now, Allah dah tentukan jalan aku. Daripada aku mula degree, sampai ke intern, sampai sekarang pun rezeki aku masih dalam UKM jugak. Intern mohon berpuluh tempat, tapi yang dapatnya dalam UKM jugak. Institut Sel Fuel. Siapa tau aku akan sambung master kat sini? Haha perancangan Allah indeed is the best :)

Alhamdulillah, takde kata2 yang dapat menggambarkan betapa aku bersyukur dengan apa yang aku ada sekarang. Family pun okay, sejak diduga bertubi-tubi dulu, aku dah mula nampak hikmah atas semua yang jadi. Dan hikmahnya tak lain tak bukan, untuk menjadikan aku lebih kuat, dan hubungan kekeluargaan yang lebih rapat. Alhamdulillah, sekarang ni kalau kat rumah takde salah sorang, rase sunyi sangat. Rase tak lengkap. Bila semua ada kat rumah, makan satu meja sama-sama, rasa bahagia sangat. Sebab dulu jarang macam tu :') Walaupun tak mewah macam orang lain, cukuplah andainya kita saling melengkapi antara satu sama lain. That's all matters :)

Penghargaan ditujukan especially untuk family aku, ibu, abah, acik, ejad, adik-adik. Ibu, walaupun tak dapat datang tengok akak tapi kejayaan ni untuk ibu. Doa ibu yg menjayakan akak, semangat yg ibu bg kat akak bila akak tengah sedih, tengah stress, semua tu akak takkan lupa sampai mati. Abah, terima kasih sebab sanggup tahan panas kat luar walaupun dah ajak masuk dewan taknak (geram jugak hahaha) tapi abah sanggup berpanas tunggu akak keluar dewan, belikan bunga etc. Aduhhh lemah betul dah mengalir air mata hahaha

Sobs sobs.

Me aceh abah. Perut tu penting hihihi

Seterusnya untuk seseorang yang jadi backbone aku since the first day aku masuk UKM. Actually dari sebelum aku masuk UKM pun. My other half, Mr. Hafizul Asyraf bin Ahmad. Terima kasih awak sebab datang haritu, belikan kite bunga, teddy bear yang kite dah bagi nama Pijong tu, pastu culik kite bawak pergi Mines, tengok wayang walaupun lencun kena hujan dalam perjalanan tu. Terima kasih awak. Terima kasih sebab support kite selama ni, marah kite bila kite malas buat keje, bagi semangat kat kite time kite tengah sedih, and the most important thing is that, thank you for being there whenever I need ya :')

Herms sis rapuh everytimeee hahahaha

Untuk bebigals aku, Shahirah, Myra, Erne, mekasehhhh awak awak sume sebab sudi berkawan ngan ittew. Hahaha. Mai kat depa terus rasa nak tergedik-gedik. Lama tak menggedik. Sobs. Sedih sebab dah tak dapat nak pegi kelas sama-sama, makan sama-sama, tidur sama-sama, malas p kelas pun sama-sama. Tiru assignments berjemaah, exams kenyit2 mata berjemaah. I'm gonna miss all that so much. Good luck kat korang pasni, sama ada bekerja ke sambung belajar ke, may Allah ease everything. Tahniah sume! Muah ciked.

Dari kiri: Myra, Erne, awak punya, Shahirah

Dan untuk kengkawan yang lain, Amy, Ziera, El, classmates, dan sesiapa yang mengenali, dah grad atau belum tu tak kisah lah, good luck in ur future life, semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan kalian. Terima kasih atas ucapan, bunga, semangat dan dorongan yang telah diberikan sepanjang kita berkawan. Minta maaf salah dan silap andai ada yang terguris etc (Biasalah, ayat cliche) Hahaha semoga ukhuwah berkekalan hingga ke syurga <3

Mekaseh sumee, first time dpt mungeee :3

And to myself, terima kasih sebab berjaya menjadi seorang yang tabah dan kuat menempuhi segala dugaan hidup. Teruskan hidup dan bersyukur dengan apa yang dah ada sekarang. InsyaAllah.

Alhamdulillah.

Credit to Mr. Photographer <3

Till then :)



Dialog di bawah hanya gurauan semata.
Lesson learned? Len kali jangan tulis benda cheesy, kat dunia ni ramai setan bertopengkan manusia hahahahahaha

Pijong: Dalam banyak banyak kawan, siapa paling setan?
Me: Mestilah Amy.

I'm just sad.

I was feeling a bit weary last night.
Because I saw another post that breaks my heart.

You know, I thought I'm only weak when it comes to family matters.
Nope, I was wrong.
I'm also such a weak ass when it comes to friendship thingy.

Best friends things. (Well I'm not sure if its "best friends" anymore tbh)

I've been pretending all this while like I don't care at all.
I don't care if she refuse to apologize.
I don't care if she refuse to text me.
I don't care if she refuse to talk to me.
I don't care if they went out together without telling me.
I. Seriously. Don't. Care.

That's what I've been pretending for all this while.
And last night, I realize that I lied to no one but my own self.
I said I don't care anymore,
but it still fking hurts everytime I saw some pictures of them going out together without me knowing.

You know, it all started a long time ago.
I thought everything can be resolved eventually
But nope, I was wrong.

I don't care if someone says I'm the one who is too sensitive but IMAGINE YOU'RE IN A ONE-TWO-THREE-TRIANGLE-KIND-OF-FRIENDSHIP THEN DON'T YOU THINK THAT A AND B SHOULDN'T PLAN SOMETHING BEHIND C AND PROUDLY POSTED THEM HANGING OUT ETC ON SOCIAL NETWORKS WITHOUT THINKING WHAT C MAY FEELS???

I don't care if you guys already know/assume that I can't join the hang out that's why you didn't ask but hey, i don't think by telling me that you guys have plans, it is too much to ask for. Is it too much to ask for?

Yeah. I know right.

It'll be different if we got more than 3 friends in a group.

So. I left the group few months ago because i feel like I AM NOT NEEDED ANYMORE by any of them. And guess what, no one cares and no one asked why.

So read here little fella, I saw everything that you tweeted the other day on your another twitter account. Yeap, I saw everything. But I also know that IF YOU REALLY MISS ME AND THE WAY WE USED TO BE, TEXT ME SOMETHING AND DON'T JUST WAIT because i am not the one who ignores you guys right now. You guys were the one who did that to me.

And the worst feeling is that,
I can't help but keep asking myself IF I HAVE EVER, EVER BE A GOOD FRIEND TO ANYONE because i don't understand why some people like you guys keep pushing me away when all I ever wanted was to have a true and loyal friendship!

Pathetic. I know right.

I know I have such a pathetic life.
Thank you.

Broken trust

I always have his back. When everybody stop believing him, I still do. When everybody scold him for nothing, I back him up. When he needed something, I gave him money for him to buy it. Even when I don't have much money, I still give.

What he did was beyond my expectation.

And yeah, I am still and will forever be disappointed.

I trusted him, I trusted him in a way that I let him know my personal account pin number. And I'm just shocked and speechless when I checked some money was missing from my account that day.

I went to the bank to have a bank draft. They gave me a bank draft, stating the withdrawal time etc. The money was withdrawn by using an atm. That was what left me speechless. I was so naive to think that the money actually have gone online, by third parties or whatever it is.

So since that person uses an atm to withdraw the money, that means he has my atm card and he knows my pin number.

Yeah, you hit the mark.

It was embarassing to even look at the bank staff. Because stupidly I asked him who took my money and it came out to be someone I have trusted for so long. Feel me, brothers and sisters?

It's even embarassing that I told my colleague first regarding this matters because I really thought that the money has gone online. And they all know the truth after they accompanied me to the bank.

For once, I felt so betrayed that I can't even look at him.

I have trusted the wrong person and I have never expected him to be that wrong person.

He left me speechless with a wide and deep cut. It may heals one day, but the scar will always, always be there.

And it would be a mistake, if he thinks I would trust him once again.

Be sorry anyway.
Because you were wrong.
And you hurt me.

FYP

Assalamualaikum dear fellow readers :)

I have been through quite a lot of things while doing my final year project, which has not officially ended yet (sebab belum hantar tesis berjilid) but nevertheless most of it i can say is already done. Khamis lepas baru je presentation viva and alhamdulillah, sis pun dah redha hahaha

Starts with the lab works, I can say it's quite exhausting but still interesting because dah lama tak masuk lab, and this time lab yang kita nak masuk ni ikut suka hati je nak masuk pukul berapa, nak balik pukul berapa, tak ada sapa kisah. Yang penting, kerja siap dalam waktu yang ditetapkan.

Walaupun ada beberapa incident yang aku rasa tak patut berlaku, especially the one that involves friend and lab partner but I believe everything that happens has it own hikmah. Biasalah, semua orang nak rasa dia bagus, semua orang nak kejar masa, semua orang nak dia siap dulu, semua orang taknak orang lain lebih dari dia.

But remember one thing, selfishness won't bring you anywhere, trust me. Be kind hearted instead, help people when they needed helps. And always appreciate those who have helped you.

Alhamdulillah, there's a lot of things to be grateful for. Semua urusan telah pun dipermudahkan oleh Yang Maha Esa. Sis berjaya siapkan tesis dalam masa yang sepatutnya, berjaya draft, supervisor suka, berjaya hantar ke pusat, dan berjaya habiskan penantian untuk presentation viva.

Bayangkan, turn aku pukul 5 petang, tapi kena datang dari pukul 9 pagi sebab lecturer ukm ni ada sesetengah yang skema sangat, mungkin nak suruh kita tengok orang lain kena bash kot time viva hahaha takdelah, dia kata supaya kita tau jugak pasal research orang lain. But somehow I quite disagree with the idea sebab personally I think, kalau kita tengok orang lain punya presentation pun, waktu tu kita mungkin berada dalam dua keadaan iaitu:

- Tak present lagi, nervous, practice habis-habisan, taknak tengok orang lain present
- Dah present, lantak ko la nak present apa pun yang penting aku dah habis

Oh, mungkin ada satu lagi keadaan di mana member suruh tangkapkan gambar acah acah candid time dia tengah present. Kahkah

So kesimpulannya, semorang pun tak fokus. Hanya yang present dengan lecturer yang dah bersedia nak bash tu je yang fokus.

And when it comes to my turn, alhamdulillah I was able to deliver the message quite well, and the questions that she asked ade sesetengah yang boleh jawab dengan baik dan ada yang krikk krikkk. Biasa lah tu. Aku pun tak expect jugak soalan pertama dia:

"Apa itu metabolit sekunder"

Mak hang la ternganga aku kat situ hahaha soalan basic gila tapi aku tak pernah pulak nak cari definisi metabolit sekunder tu sebab setahu aku compound kimia yang aku isolate tu semua metabolit sekunder. Tapi nak define tu gila blur. Dok pandang2 jugak kat rakan-rakan seperjuangan yang ada kat belakang sana, tapi semua dok sengih sengih ja taktau jugak jawapan.

Tiba-tiba macam ada satu mentol berlampu kat kepala aku pasal apa yang Dr. Jalifah ajar sebelum ni. Pastu aku pun bantai sajalah jawab tentang apa yang aku tau, bahawa metabolit sekunder ni apa2 compound yang wujud dari tapak jalan alkaloid bla bla bla. Nasib baik Dr. Huda time tu hangguk2 je kepala, tandanya logik lah tu. Kahkah!

Banyak jugak soalan dia bagi, berusaha sangat dia nak bash aku ni ha. Tapi berkat doa semorang, satu persatu aku tepis tembakan dia. Kahkah bajet gila. Takdela, aku still jawab dengan penuh hormat walaupun aku dapat rasa dia tak suka aku sejak dari pembentangan proposal lagi. Waktu dia ajar kami time first year dulu, elok je baik je lecturer ni. Pasal time tu dia mengandung. Hahaha. Mungkin taknak perangai turun kat anak kot sebab tu behave. Bila dah takde isi dalam perut, garang dia bukan main lagi.

Tapi tu pengalaman la. Apa yang dia tegur aku angguk2 jela. Dalam hati dok tunggu "Cepat la habis masa". Kalau tak panjang lah pula dia membebel nanti. Hahaa

Aku orang ketiga last present, Shahirah orang last. Kira kami ni penutup jugak la. Habis je Shahirah present, semorang bagi tepukan paling gemuruh. Bukan sebab dia present, tapi sebab semua dah habis present, dah boleh rasa lega yang teramat. Dan yang paling penting, satu azab doonia telah terlepas ye kawan-kawan. Hahaa

Alhamdulillah, thank God everything went smoothly. Walaupun mungkin ada yang tak puas hati dengan cara dia present ke, cara lecturer putar belitkan soalan sampai tak faham ke, yang penting kita semua dah lepas dah benda-benda ni. And the only thing that we should focus on now is our final exams.

This sem ambil 5 subjek, but only 4 yang ada final paper. Tapi dalam empat tu pun semua killer, banyak sangat nak kena cover. Haihh. Okay dah jangan mengeluh. Ada usaha, insyaAllah ada lah hasilnya. 10 days to go before short holiday followed by the internship. All the best semua!! :D

Congratulations all!

- Prof Mukram kenapa tidur dalam iman tu? Hikhik
- Dr. Muntaz (baju biru), terima kasih sudi jadi pemeriksa proposal dan tesis saya. Walaupun garang tapi........... Hmm saya redha dengan markah yang Dr. nak bagi kat saya lulzzz
- Prof Laily (my supervisor, tiada dalam gambar) kata Dr. muda ni banyak tanya, kadang2 rasa nak marah jugak bila depa bash anak didik dia. HAHA
- Am going to miss you guys a lot. Thank you for these three years that we've been together :')

p/s : Juniors tolong lah pilih supervisor yang boleh menjamin masa depan uols. Dan banyak2 lah berdoa tak dapat pemeriksa yang tutttt hahahhahaha okbai

A horrible nightmare.

It was a fine morning at first. I went to the class as usual, learning with friends, hoping that it's going to be a great day. During our break session, we (my friends and I) went to the cafe. While eating, there's been this news on tv about what happened in Gaza and Palestine, where almost majority of their children and women were killed by those terrorists. We watched it and of course we're sad, the whole Muslims are sad looking at our own brothers and sisters being tortured by them and we can't do anything about it besides praying.

But then, since the situation isn't happening at our place, so we went through the whole day peacefully like everyday (honestly). After class, I made a plan to go back home since I'm free from assignments and classes. I planned to make a surprise to my family by not telling them that I'm going home on that day. Luckily, Erne was going back to her hometown too, so both of us went to ktm ukm by bus. Since my house is located near to the ktm, so I can just walk from there.

But things ain't going well as we planned. During our way to the ktm, the bus was stopped by a few men with guns in their hands. From the place where I sit, I could see that everybody outside the bus were killed and blood splashes are like, everywhere. Erne and I hide behind the seat, hoping that those people won't see us or they will definitely kill us.

But then there's been this kind of background sound of zikrullah playing in my head. And Erne was reciting the syahadah, it's like a sign that we won't get away from them, alive. It's like the world is going to end. It's like we're going to die there. And the saddest thing is that, I haven't met my family yet and I probably won't be able to meet them. That was the last thing on my mind-- my family, before I recited my syahadah as well.

Perhaps the nightmare was some sort of syaitan's disturbance and after I recited my syahadah in that nightmare, alhamdulillah I was able to wake up, but with tears flowing through my eyes. I was terrified. The dream was so real and frightening. I know that dreams are dreams, not necessarily will happen in real life but that doesn't mean dreams can't happen in reality, some dreams may happen.

With what we saw and what we learn, see it for yourself that Malaysia is not that safe anymore. The leader of the country itself is hated by his people. I'm not saying this as a hater as well but I'm afraid if the history will repeat itself. Lets just pray for the best. May Allah protect all of us, Malaysians.

This story was drafted last year, and it takes time for me to publish it, with no reason and no intention to scare any of you who are currently reading this. I just hope that dreams will stay as dreams, even when it is better than the reality.

Fast and Furious 7

#ForPaul

Hello bijes! Ahah macam ganas sangat pula. Okay hello fellas :)

Entri ini adalah entri kacau daun a.k.a entri spoiler a.k.a entri expose cerita sebenar kepada yang belum tengok Fast & Furious 7 lagi. So kalau belum tengok, dan taknak diganggu oleh spoiler macam saya, maka silalah tekan butang x kat atas tu. Hihi.

Last saturday, on 4th April 2015 weols pergi tengok movie yang dah lama ditunggu-tunggu ia keluar iaitu apa lagi kalau bukan Fast & Furious 7 (berapa kali nak sebut entah) Fuh! Tak sangka dah setahun rupanya aku tunggu movie ni keluar. Haaaa.

Punya lah seksaited nak nengok movie, kitorang gerak bebetul lepas zohor untuk beli tiket malam k malam. Bila sampai je IOI tu, perghh beratur dia tak payah cakap lah. Engko datang sebelum subuh pun belum tentu dapat tiket. Kah! K tipu. Yang betulnya, ramai sangat beratur sampaikan turn kitorang nak beli tiket malam, terpaksa duduk seat depan k. Sanggup? Sanggup lah! Tazzabar punya pazzalll. Hahah

Hurm. Awal2 dah shock terkezut dengan kematian Han (#Spoiler1). Kalau taktau Han tu sapa, baik hang tutup blog ni, bukak web yang boleh download FF1 sampai FF6. Kalau tak larat nak download semua, download FF3 ja pun dah cukup -- Tokyo Drift punya. Frust jugak lah pasal dia cool gila kot and scene dia mati sikit sangat. Tau2 je dah mati :(

Okay, move on.

FF7 kali ni bukan pasal kereta semata, tapi lebih kepada makna sebenar sebuah keluarga. Kalau ingat dulu waktu FF1 masing2 baru kenal, before diorang bentuk satu kumpulan, masing2 dengan haluan masing2 je. Tapi sampai FF terakhir ni, boleh nampak betapa kuatnya ikatan kekeluargaan yang terjalin antara semua pelakon, baik dalam cerita mahupun dekat real life.

Dulu mana ada The Rock waktu mula2. Tapi sejak FF berapa tah, The Rock ni pun macam dah termasuk sekali dengan geng diorang. And of course, lead actor yang paling berpengaruh selain Paul Walker adalah Vin Diesel a.k.a Dominic Toretto.

Sedih, sebab yeah as we all know FF7 ni maybe la, maybe akan jadi sequel yang terakhir sebab Paul Walker pun dah tak ada. Walaupun movie ni berjaya dihabiskan, tapi katanya ada antara scene yang depa pakai adik kepada Paul Walker untuk menggantikan tempat beliau dan kemudian di edit digitally (taktau la macam mana depa buat).

Meh kasi tunjuk sikit salah satu kereta sport yang digunakan dalam movie ni. Cekidaut!

The Beast isn't meant to be kept - Dom

Tudia kalau dapat sebiji............. Mestilah aku sayang juga nak keluarkan. And yeah inilah kereta yang digunakan dalam movie tu dimana kereta ni paling mahal dan paling menarik perhatian sebab depa guna kereta ni untuk lompat antara 3 menara berkembar di Abu Dhabi. Gila kan? Kereta mahal2 buat simpan oleh Prince Abu Dhabi tu, lepastu geng dorang amik, lompat lepas 3 menara pasal tak boleh break hahaha (#Spoiler2)

Sebenarnya yang diorang nak bukanlah kereta ni. Cip kecik dalam kereta tu je yang dorang nak. Lol. Biasalah nak buat movie kenalah gempak sikek. Ahaks! Industri filem melayu bila nak buat gitu? Kah!

Okay, sambung.

Selain daripada kisah kereta, FF7 juga menggambarkan kisah cinta antara Brian dengan Mia dan Dom dengan  Letty. Dalam FF7 Letty pulih ingatan dia pun lepas Dom hampir2 nak mati (#Spoiler3). Baca betul betul. Dom HAMPIR-HAMPIR nak mati. Dia tak mati pun. Yang engkorang nampak kat twitter kate spoiler alert pasal Dom mati dalam FF7 tu, ketahuilah korang dah kena kencing. HAHA

Salah satu dialog Letty dan Dom lepas Letty dah pulih ingatan dan Dom hampir nak mati tapi tak mati tu ialah:

Letty: Why didn't you tell me that we were married?
Dom: Because you can't tell people that they love you.

True indeed. Kalau awek kau hilang ingatan, takkan senang2 je kau nak cakap kat dia "Weh kau dulu sayang aku kot. Takkan dulu sayang sekarang tak boleh sayang?"

Lain, bro.

Sebab tu Dom memilih untuk diam. Dah lama juga dia diam pasal benda ni, sejak FF berapa entah yang waktu dorang jumpa Letty balik tu. Time tu dia dah hilang ingatan, meanwhile dorang sume ingat Letty dah mati (beria gila aku cerita HAHA)

Em okay. Lepas dah habis mission mendapatkan seketul cip yang kecil tu, time tu lah baru nampak definisi sebenar keluarga bahagia. Sebab time tu dia tunjuk scene Brian dengan Mia, dengan anak dia yang comel gila tu, tengah main kat pantai (#Spoiler4). Time scene ni, geng lain sume duduk tepi pantai nengok dorang. Beautiful scene. Nampak bahagia. Nampak yang sebenarnya bila Brian dah takda, ada satu 'hole' dalam family tu. Nampak weh. Sedih. Wuwuu

Time tu pulak ada main lagu soundtrack FF7 yang bertajuk "See You Again" by Wiz Khalifa. Lagi bertambah sedih. Boleh google sekarang untuk mengetahui lirik dan mendengar lagu #SisSyorkanTapiJanganDengarBanyakKaliNantiNangis tudia panjang hashtag

And one of the precious quotes I found in the movie is from Dom to Brian during the ending scene; very heartbreaking though,

Digital Paul Walker

Part ni paling sedih pasal dua buah kereta dah ikut haluan masing-masing. Lepas ni haluan dah tak sama unless if they meet in another world kita taktau lah kan (takut tersentuh sensitiviti mana2 agama, so sorry).

Anyway, that's it. FF7 is basically more of a true friendship and most importantly, they did not own friends, they own a family. And that's all matters :')

Yang belum tengok, aku syorkan lah tengok. Pasal mungkin ni movie terakhir dan mungkin kalau ada pun, dah tak sama sebab lead actor dah berkurang seorang. Mula2 memang kelakar gila lah sampai nak nangis pasal kelakar especially bila tengok gelagat dua mamat negro yang satu geng ngan dorang tu. Ape name tah, aku ingat sorang je si Jet tu. Yang lagi sorang tak ingat. Tapi bila dah last2, air mata gembira kelakar tadi tu akan bertukar jadi airmata sedih nak menggelupur. Hmmmm hahah

So overall review, the movie was amazing, and the ending was everything.

#ForPaul #OneLastRide
#np See You Again - Wiz Khalifa

Till then :')

Page 1 of 366

Iye ke 366? Ke 365? Ah entah. Hahaha nnt dah sampai Mac April semua malas nak kira dah page berapa kan :p

Anyway hello readers it has been a while since I last updated my blog. Well 2014 has officially ended yesterday. Alhamdulillah, I finally made it to another new year!

Nothing much changed to be honest, because things has finally get back to how it used to be. Everyone was here for me, no one left (I guess). But I somehow must say that 2014 is the most terrible year kot for all Malaysians, and for me personally.

But anyway anyhow we all made it to another new year and hopefully this year is going to be better than the past years. And as a degree student I believe most of us 'celebrate' the end of the year and the first day of new year in a VERY beautiful way (read as: taking final exams). InsyaAllah, this year will be my last year celebrating that way lah lol :p

Tahun ni takde azam. Azam tahun lepas ape entah aku pun dah tak ingat lol. Orang nama Azam pun tak jumpa lagi (motif nak jumpa?) tapi yang pasti, ada beberapa benda yang aku dah achieved during 2014 which are:-

- Driving license *joget joget*
- Sijil kursus kahwin *joget........ eh malu3 hahaha*
- Fon baru *tak berapa baru sangat sebab waktu beli tu rasanya bulan 3-4 kot*
- Laptop.... aaaa tetiba teringat. RIP dear laptop. Skrg pakai laptop pinjam (kot) tak pasti kesahihan pinjam ke bagi terus. Malu nak tanya. Kah3

Hmm lagi ape ye. Macam ada lagi tapi tak ingat (sedapkan hati)

Anyway I'm grateful enough to have experienced some beautiful memories and some bitter memories that gave me some good lessons I guess. InsyaAllah, I'm looking forward to have more happy moments with the people I love :)

Last but not least, thank you to those who stay with me through my ups and downs, I really appreciate it and to those who leave (if any, I can't remember) thank you for the lesson I learnt through it. Sorry for all the hurtful feelings I give and I forgive all of the hurtful feelings you guys gave me (if any) insyaAllah.

Let's open a new book *direct translation from BM hahaha*

Oh, di kesempatan ini juga saya ingin melahirkan rasa simpati kepada mangsa banjir yang kehilangan harta dunia tak kira lah sikit atau pun banyak. Moga Allah ganti dengan sesuatu yang lebih baik buat kalian. Amin ya rabbal 'alamin.

And dear #mh370, ramai masih menunggu awak, walaupun harapan tu dah samar samar. May Allah bless you guys, wherever you guys are :)

Till then, have a nice day and year everyone! Muah ciked.

Doakan saya tak gila sementara nak habiskan final year.

That feeling.

That feeling when you realized that there's been this some kind of distances between you and your best friends. Because you're busy with your own business and she's busy as well. So you guys seldom see each other anymore. It's hard. It's hard because you'll be missing them more than anything. You miss talking to them, being with them, laughing and hanging out with them whenever you wanted to...

But hey, it'll be okay soon.

Because true friends stay forever,
beyond words,
beyond distances
and beyond time :)

That one best friend you miss :)

Just a quick post telling my intention to change my blog url back to nurulazaniazman.blogspot.com since i realized that my blog views has dropped drastically when i use the new url. Okay, that's all. I'll update once i have time to :)

Till then ;)

It is you

To whom it may concern :)

Nak buat luahan hati.

Aku rasa sem ni lain sangat. Semuanya lain. Taktau nak describe semua tu macam mana tapi feeling masuk sem baru tahun tiga ni memang lain.

First maybe sebab abah takde. Rasa macam sunyi gila. Nak mengadu itu ini tak boleh. Tapi benda ni memang tak boleh nak buat apa. Memang rasa cam useless gila tak mampu nak buat apa. No solution.

Secondly, aku asyik tidur je. Sejak balik dari ukm haritu. Maybe sebab takde keje lagi, atau maybe jugak sebab semua class aku pagi, pukul 8 everyday except rabu pukul 9. Tu pun pagi jugak. Or maybe sebab duduk bilik single, bosan takde orang nak borak. Or maybe jugak sebab letih tetiap petang berada di stadium atau court. Or maybe sebab banyak sangat benda aku fikir sampai rasa nak shut down. Entah, taktau mana satu punca. Ke semua?

I don't know whether I can survive this semester or not. Macam terkejut gak laa first day and second day kuliah terus buat quiz last week. Lepastu lecturer pulak semua macam scary gila this sem sebab suka cakap pasal ramai orang fail subjek ni la apa la, awal2 dah bagi mood down =.=

I can't imagine how my study week would be kalau keadaan ni berterusan (selalu tidur)

Thirdly, rasa macam ada kekosongan dalam hidup. Ada something yang hilang tapi aku taktau apa. Will figure it out soon insyaAllah. Tu pun kalau ada masa nak fikir. Sebab banyak benda lain nak kena fikir. Eh aku ni memang suka berfikir ke camne *rambut gugur*
 
Rasa nak taip banyak lagi tapi susah. Sebab taktau nak describe rasa ni macam mana. Lol. *flip table*

Terlebih sensitif.

Semoga cepat menemui jalan pulang. Aku ada dua sem je nak betulkan semua. Nak grad dengan pointer atas 3. Nak survive dengan baik.

I wanna be happy, again.

Keep on surviving, dear self.

Say hello to my final year

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim, assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

Lamanya tak jenguk blogggggggg hoi last entri hujung bulan 6. Sekarang dah bulan 9. Bukan apa, macam biasa ah kat rumah tu mana ada keneksyen yg membolehkan aku untuk update blog. Ade tu ade, kalau nak bukak hotspot dari fon tapi aku taklah serajin tu nak amek data pass pastu nak bukak hotspot bagai. Sebab aku tau aku akan end up di youtube jugak akhirnya. Muahahaha


Okay panjang lebar plak alasan dia.

Anyway, life has been very hard for me even time orang tengah bersuka ria cuti sem. Well, ujian dari Dia takkan pernah habis selagi Dia sayang pada aku dan kau semua. So, what to do? Trust Him and have faith. That's all.

Tapi nak taknak, hidup perlu diteruskan. Pendaftaran ke UKM pun takkan cancel walau ribut melanda maka, aku menguatkan diri jugak untuk pulang semula ke teratak sendiri di Kolej Aminuddin Baki walaupun berat sangat hati ni nak tinggal adik2.

So cerita dia, abang sedara aku lah yang janji nak hantar hari Ahad (semalam) ni. Janjinya pukul 9 pagi dah start angkat2 barang dan pergi daftar semua lah. Tapi cerita dia lagi, mamat ni nyenyak pulak dibuai mimpi indah sampai lah pukul 2 petang........

...............

Hahaha, sakit jiwa aku ni ha menunggu orang. Haihh. Dengan adik lelaki yang susah gila nak kejut, susah gilaaaaa. Kalau kau rasa susah nak kejut aku, kau akan rasa susah-nak-mampos kalau kejut dia. Ya ampun, rasa nak simbah air aje.

Lalu tanpa menunggu mamat dua ketul ni bangun tidur, aku dengan adik perempuan aku pun membawa lah diri ke KAB UKM naik vrooommm vroommm muahahaha

Daftar lebih kurang pukul 11.45 pagi camtu lah. Hampir je nak masuk waktu rehat pendaftaran. Nasib baik dapat kunci dan dapat blok yang aku nak. Tapi kena bayar RM25 untuk...... Taktau untuk apa pffttt UKM memang Universiti Kuat Makan duit student.

Pastu pergi lah check bilik. Bukak je pintu, aku dengan adik macam....... ni bilik ke stor?

Habuk like... in every inches of the room kot. Pijak tikar pun boleh terasa debu dia. Pergi dekat meja, terkopak2 sikit kat hujung, dan banyak tahi cicak. Bukak pulak kipas, berterabur tahi cicak. Tilam pun berhabuk, bawah katil lagi lah takyah citer lah sakit jiwa. Argghhh hahahahaha memang aku dah redha gila laa dapat bilik camni en. Almari dia je yang lawa pun sebab besar dan bersih, ada laa sawang sikit je.

Dah tengok bilik, balik la rumah. Sepanjang on the way balik tu aku dok fikir, dari mana lah aku nak start kemas. Buntu. Sampai tak sedar aku bawak moto slow jugak laa. Sampai adik aku tegur, "Kak, kenapa hang bawak slow sangat?" Hahahahahah jawapan aku senang je, "Aku tengah berfikir ni." Hahaha

Tapi tak jadi balik terus, aku melencong pergi cari pembalut hadiah dengan kertas warna dulu. Sebab aku perlu hias bilik tu at least sikit supaya aku tak rasa muram sepanjang sem hahahaha

Time balik tu, dua ketul mamat tu masih lena diulit mimpi. So aku pun malas nak tunggu depa bangun, aku amek mop, penyapu sume, kertas warna dgn wrapper yg aku beli tu, skali dengan baldi aku usung naik moto. Adik aku lah pegang. Hahaha maka bermulalah sesi 'membasuh' bilik ni sampai bersih.

Mula dengan kipas, lepastu katil, meja, dinding, sume aku bersihkan dari bendasing yang ada. Sapu semua dan kemudian mop. Dengan meja semua aku lap jugak. Wuish debu dia sampai terbersin2. Peluh jangan cerita lah, boleh perah dlm baldi hahahahahaha k over

Lepas dah kering semua, barulah aku balut meja, tampal kertas warna kat dinding dengan balut board. Sementara menunggu luggage dengan barang lain sampai ah. Tu pun waktu aku call Ejad, dia kata nak datang malam pulakkk. Memang aku angin betul sebab banyak benda tak kemas lagi. Aku suruh jugak datang petang tu.

Dalam kul 4 petang camtu, baru barang sampai. Nasib baik dorang tolong angkat sampai bilik muahahaha takde ah penat sangat. Siap belikan milo ais sebagai penyejuk hati. Hahaha rezekiiii.

Then bermulalah pula sesi unpack barang sume. So in the end, beginilah lebih kurang bilik aku,

Tu gambar dari insta. Gambar ori aku dah TERdelete plak sebab tak terfikir nak update blog sebenarnya. Tak suka simpan gambar tak penting hahahah

Dinding tu tampal sendiri, meja pun berbalut dah, sem ni tukar mood plak tak bawak bear besar, bawak bear panjang buat bantal peluk heheheh board tu plak bakal dipenuhkan dengan gambar lagi nanti lepas aku bawa ke kedai untuk dicuci :)


Bilik ni lepas kemas letak tikar sume nampak okay sikit lah. Selesa jugak walaupun susah gak nak tidur semalam sebab katil rendah sangat. Ceh padahal kau pun sama je rendah Zani oi -.-

Okay macam panjang lebar plak cerita kan hahaha pasal bilik baru je punnnn. Azam pun baru. Tapi rahciew. Hahahahaha nak accomplish sendiri. Kalau dah berjaya baru aku uar-uarkan kayyy

Okay lah nak ke stadium dengan ex-rumet dulu. Till we meet again :) Muah ciked! Bye assalamualaikum ^^

Late night thoughts

Have you ever heard that real thoughts come out of people's mind after midnight, around 2 am and above? Iyeap, it is. It's when everybody has fallen asleep and there you go, sitting or even laying on your bed, having thousands of thoughts that slowly breaks you inside.

It's the time when your hidden scars slowly showed itself and you can still feel the pain somehow. It's when you feel like nobody's going to care about whatever that you're going through in life. It's all the real thoughts that you keep all by yourself so that you won't make others feel guilty.

It's that night (or morning) when you realize that you have gone through loads of things that somehow makes you stronger, even though it's been hard to pass through it all. It's the night when you're having a self reflection on all of your actions including the stupidest actions that you've ever did.

3.37 a.m and I'm still awake, having this kind of thoughts maybe? :/

Lol. Noooo, I'm noootttt having those thoughts ... maybe? :/

Lol again.

I guess that's why all parents in the world taught their children to sleep early since they were small right? But nowadays who would sleep early when the internet gives them pleasure to stay awake rather than to sleep? And they'll wake up tomorrow morning, complaining. True story.

......

Girls overthink. That's all I can say. And overthinking kills so don't overthink. But, you'll definitely be like :
Do not overthink ...
Do not overthink ...
Do not overthink ...
Do not ... Shit

I am not overthinking though :p (a serious statement) It's just that everytime I'm about to sleep, I would think of everything that happened to me on that day. It's like a routine to reflect what I've done today and what makes me happy and sad and so on.

 Some of the real simple sadness is when people don't reply your WhatsApp or your text, or they do reply but it was a cold reply. It's called sadness when you planned to hangout with some of your friends and you got real excited and those plans end up cancelled due to some reasonable excuses. It's sadness when you were about to eat something that you've been craving for months but you got no money to buy them or when you do, the stalls were closed.

Meanwhile, some real simple happiness is when someone compliments you, on what you wear or how do you look like in a day. It's happiness when you got time to relax after a long tiring day plus having sweet dreams. It's happiness when someone took your 2 seconds to read a real sweet text. It's happiness when you see your parents smile when you make jokes. It's happiness when you feed some of the random cats or even your own pet.

The examples are really small, simple, little things right but they do bring effects to your heart. :)

Everybody loves happiness and nobody loves sadness. So what we gotta do to get rid of those sadness ? It is ...

Some unnecessary feelings are meant to be deleted. Like what -- guilty when you don't please people because from the moment you are alive, you're not meant to please people with your actions. Just be the real you. If people like it then that's fine and even if people don't like you, then let them be.

"You end up real disappointed when you go through life thinking people have the same heart as you."

- Farah Shazleen

Something to ponder upon. :)

#GER 4-0 #POR

Hello! Sape tengok game semalam? Sape tengok sape tengoookkkkkkk??? K over.

A friendly match between two bestfriends (I guess)

Semalam berlangsungnya match football ke berapa entah untuk merebut Piala Dunia 2014, iaitu game Germany vs. Portugal. Match yang semalam ni lah dikatakan match paling ditunggu-tunggu sebab melibatkan dua pasukan yang boleh kata kuat juga lah. Sape sokong Germany meh sep sikiittt hehe

It was a good match though, tak menyesal stay up walaupun hakikatnya hari ni aku ada paper. Memula ingatkan tak dapat la nak tengok game first Germany sbb ada paper lepastu tetiba kebetulan pulak Ifolio UKM tak boleh bukak malam tadi so notes untuk paper hari ni tak dapat download maka apa lagi, fokus kat bola je ah :p

Start je match, baru minit ke berapa entah, Khedira dah start tunjuk belang dia. Hampiirrr sangat nak goal, sipi kena tiang. Time tu debor dia takyah cakap ah. Memang debor betul. Bila Thomas Muller dah muller-kan goal (penalti) haaa time tu lagi debor. Sebab apa? Sebab takut ngat jadi macam 5PA1N awal2 goal last2 lauk KAHKAHKAHKAH maafkan saya...............

Dan kemudian berkembang lah pula dengan goal kedua dari Muller lagi dan goal ketiga dari Hummel yang humble dan keempat dari Muller juga. Thomas Muller memang power. Dia yang muller muller goalkan dan dia juga lah yang menghabiskan goal keempat untuk Germany. Salam 4-0!

Sebenarnya nak expresskan rasa kasihan kepada CR7 sebab muka dia sangat menyedihkan semalam. Muka dia penat gila (tapi tetap handsome) dan team dia macam, "Whatever it is, pass the ball to CR." Semua mengharapkan dia.... Sorry cakap tapi defend Portugal teruk gila berterabur. Meanwhile Germany punya team masing2 memang jaga gila territory masing2.

Basically ...

Taktau lah maybe memang takde rezeki untuk Portugal. Tapi serius, kesian gila kat CR.Dah lah first half si Pepe kena red card. Tinggal seploh orang je main, lawan seblas orang. Double kasihan. And to Pepe, go home dude you're drunk. Lulz

Marco Reus must be happy to see his team winning the match. It'll be perfect if he could play along tapi apa boleh buat. Get well soon kaki tu hehehehe

And hence, congratulations to my team for winning and sorry, please try later untuk team Four-to-girl. KAHKAH permulaan yang baik untuk #GER

Looking forward to #GER next match on 22nd June 2014, vs. Ghana. May the luck be with them!

Till then :)

Mud Ekjem

Aku versi anime. Kahkah *menyorok belakang langsir*

Tahukah anda, UKM dah start final exam untuk pelajar2 tersayang pada 9 Jun yang lalu? Ya, paper first aku pun start 9 Jun juga, sama macam orang lain. Dan bakal habis pada 23 Jun 2014 untuk paper Amali Kimia.

Jujur cakap, sem ni paling teruk. Segala-galanya teruk. Schedule class mostly start pagi sampai petang, Jumaat petang pun masih ada class sedangkan waktu tu telah masuknya waktu untuk sesetengah pelajar balik ke rumah untuk cuti hujung minggu........

Assignments yang suka datang secara berjemaah terutamanya bila dah dekat2 midtest dengan final exam. Bayangkan time study week pun ada 2 assignments to be accomplished. Memang membantu pelajar, tapi bagi aku, study week tu masa untuk study lah bukan untuk berassignment. Study week sem ni walaupun hampir 9 hari, aku rasa macam 2-3 hari je, cepat benor masa berlalu.

Dan berita paling menyayat hati sekali adalah semestinya schedule final exam aku. Nak bersedih pun rasa tak sempat sebab nak taknak memang terpaksa kentalkan diri untuk first 4 killer papers yang berderet dari 9 Jun sampai 12 Jun 2014. Ya......

Tengok tarikh hari ni, 13 Jun 2013, jam 00:25 am. Menandakan aku sudah pun menghabiskan 4 killer papers dengan jayanya. Ni lagi menyayat hati. Sebab tak sangka aku mampu bertahan selama 4 hari berturut2. Tidur takat 3 jam eleh nak ngences pun tak sempat HAHA bangun terkebil2 je mata ni ha nak bukak. Berkali2 ke toilet pastu splash air ke muka acah2 macam dalam iklan, sbb mengantuk sangat.

Alhamdulillah, nak kata yakin lepas jawab 4 papers tu, takde lah kan kang orang kata over confident plak. Bhahaha cumanya, alhamdulillah, okay laa jgak cuma stakat ni subjek yang paling tak meyakinkan adalah Kimia Koordinatan. Tu je la kot, yang lain alhamdulillah soalan2 past year yang banyak keluar. Dan aku sebenarnya menjenguk2 je past year tu, tak buat pun HAHA tapi em em, alhamdulillah jelah mampu komen.

Dan sebenarnya agak terkilan sedikit sbb jadual ni berderet. 10 Jun haritu birthday adik perempuan aku dan aku tak dapat nak balik rumah sambut dengan diorang. And aku yang paling tak prepare apa2 untuk adik aku sebab aku lupa -_____- Teruk gila rasa, dok fikir pasal final exam yang berderet sampai lupa salah satu tarikh tu adalah birthday adik aku.

Anyway, harapan aku tinggi jugak untuk sem ni. Kalau boleh nak naikkan pointer dari sem lepas, walaupun hakikatnya aku tau sem ni paling teruk pengurusan masa dan hmm taktau lah cemana. Tapi insyaAllah, setiap usaha ada ganjaran-Nya dan aku harap usaha aku berjaga malam dan sebagainya ni berbaloi lah. Memang ilmu bukan pada pointer tapi zaman sekarang ni sape je yang tak tengok pointer kan. Pastu compare2 macam mintak lempang. (Tiber emo)

So all the best kepada semua yang mengambil final exam sama seperti saya. Semoga semua usaha kita dibayar cash cash cash di dunia, kalau tak bayar cash kat dunia pun, insyaAllah ada cheque untuk ganjaran akhirat sana. Study study jugak, solat jangan lupa. Lagi2 sekarang dah Syaaban, dah boleh start bangun malam dan beribadat, biasakan diri dengan amalan sebelum menghadapi Ramadhan. Bersama-samalah kita. Hehe

Aku ada 5 papers to go lagi, minggu depan doublet of doublet, Isnin Selasa dan Khamis Jumaat. Dan minggu lagi satu, last paper hari Isnin. Moga dipermudahkan. Saat saat macam ni, doa dari ibu dan abah serta doa sahabat dalam diam amatlah diperlukan. Doa :)

Dan kemudian berholidaylah kita ke Terengganu. Yeeheeeee. Untuk apa? Jeng jeng jeng. Nanti update lagi.

Sekian, mekaseh kerana sudi menjenguk. Rindu ngat kat blog ni tapi takdak masa nak update. Ni curi masa sat. Kihkih

P/s : Musim panas terik macam ni elok jugak kalau buat agar-agar kering. Waahhh tazzabar nak buat kuih raya. Projek cuti nanti ~.~

P/s lagi : Untuk World Cup, aku sokong Germany ah cam biasaaaa. Tapi sedih sebab Reus tak main, injured. Get well soon, sayang. Eh kbai

Flying kiss dari jauh k. Eh eh eh

Bye :D

Safe journey

Remember when I told ya I'm having this kind of dream where I cried when I woke up on the next day? Do you wanna know what those dreams are about?

I dream about my little sister and her. We were at the airport, I'm sending them at the airport. They were going somewhere. And in that dream, my little sister said that she doesn't want to follow her, but she have to. She asked me to come along but I said I can't. And she hugged me so tight that she doesn't wanna let go.

And I'm having this kind of thought about the flight, MH370 where the flight never brings its passengers back home. And I thought they won't be coming back here in Malaysia anymore. That's why the dream sadden me so much. And the same dream comes two nights in a row.

And you know what? Today, this morning to be exact, I received a message saying that they were leaving. They were leaving ... on a flight, to a place where they belong. Somewhere I can't go, I can't follow.

"Nanti Ayin umur 12 tahun, Ayin balik la sini balik."

I missed that voice, so much. And when I get to talk to her, I feel like this is going to be the last time. I don't know, maybe it's because I missed her so much and all I know on the next day is that they were leaving. My dream comes true. And it's painful enough to let go ..

I can't go see her for probably the last time. I am not allowed to. I can only hear her voice, the same little voice that I took care of since she was born.

Sigh ...

All I can do now is to pray for her to live in interesting times, may she be blessed with good health, may she always be brave, may He keep her under His protection.

Have a safe journey, dear sister.
Till we meet again, if He wills.